Relationships end. They do. It’s the natural progression of relationships. We never think about our relationships ending while we are in them. Sometimes they end amicably & other times…well we have heard the horror stories. I must say I never understood people who remained friends after ending a long-term relationship. I just feel that if you end a long relationship, at least one of you should be upset. So to all those mature people who are still friends with their ex-partners, this post is not for you.
You can’t plan for a bad breakup. It just happens. Sometimes you can see it coming from a mile away. You and your partner are always arguing, there is no communication, and you barely acknowledge each other. You start resenting them a little more each day. Finally, something happens to push one of you over the edge, and now you are in ‘Splitsville.’ Other times the breakup just sneaks up on you. You come home early from work to catch your spouse cheating with your neighbor. Now you have to kill somebody. How could this happen? What are you going to do? You start feeling like your whole world is crashing down on you. Confusion sets in. It doesn’t matter how you got to this point, what is important is that you have to deal with it with some shred of dignity. Groveling is out of the question. So man up and handle it. There has never been a guide for dealing with a bad breakup (As far as I know) until now.
Dealing with a bad breakup is a lot like losing a loved one. What do you know? It’s exactly like losing a loved one. That brings me to the first step in dealing with a bad breakup.
Pretend that they died. (Or you killed them) Whichever is easier for you to deal with? This might seem crazy but believe me, it works. However you look at it, you are not going to be with them, so it doesn’t make any difference. It’s all in your head. Your mind will be better able to deal with not having them in your life if you pretend that they no longer exist.
Erase them from your life. After a bad breakup, you want to remove everything from your life that reminds you of your ex. You might be asking yourself; everything? Yes! Everything! Pictures, CDs, clothing, gifts. Everything! This also includes the ex’s friends & family. Yea they got to go too! Some persons might have to change their voice mail, email accounts, and social media accounts. By the way, it is never a good idea to share any of these accounts in the first place. Why you ask? Well, because of situations just like this. Now that there is nothing in your life that will remind you of your past relationship, you are on your way.
Avoid running into the ex. This is crucial. Remember you didn’t actually kill your ex (I hope). So chances are you might run into them. To ensure that you don’t run into your ex, you have to stop going to places you have in common. This means you might have to find a new supermarket, mechanic or doctor. You might also have to give up your favorite restaurants. You don’t want to run into your ex at any of these places, especially if they have moved on with their life and you are still mourning the relationship.
Socialize/Date. When going through a bad breakup, you might be tempted to shy away from the company of others and wallow in your misery. (So much for misery loving company). I agree that you do need some time to yourself to gather your thoughts and reflect, but don’t become a hermit. You have to get back on the proverbial horse. The best way to get over an ex is by replacing the ex. You don’t want to jump right back in a relationship after a bad breakup, but you do need to start seeing other people. This will be harder than you think. You are going to want to tell everybody your story of how you were wronged. You are going to compare every woman you meet to your ex. There is nothing wrong with this as long as you don’t do it aloud. This step is all about feeling normal again.
Find a hobby. One of the enemies of appropriately dealing with a bad breakup is free time. Free time leads to thinking & more than likely you will be thinking about your ex. Maximize your free time by finding a hobby. If you don’t have a hobby, do some volunteer work. Do whatever it takes to keep your mind occupied. If you don’t have a hobby & you can’t volunteer. There is always sleep. Sleep is your friend during a bad breakup. Get as much of it as possible. Sleeping not only takes time away from thinking about your ex, but it also prevents you from doing something stupid – like trying to contact your ex.
Accept the breakup. Come to grips with the fact that the relationship you invested so much time, energy & maybe money in is over. During a breakup, you will go over in your mind all that happened. You will ask yourself questions like: Why didn’t I see this coming? What could I have done differently?
What if we can still work it out? What have I learned from this? The answers to these questions are important in getting closure. After you have done this, it’s time to move on.
Starting over –Moving on. This step is the best part of getting over a bad breakup. You are now completely over your ex. You are now armed with the knowledge of what not to do & what to do differently in a relationship. All you need to do now is to find suitable candidates. You want to ensure that you broaden your horizons. Get out of your comfort zone. If you usually pick up women/men at the club, you might want to try after work mixers or even church. Did you generally go for a particular type of women/men? You ought to mix it up.
Sooner or later you will find Mr. /Miss Right and
live happily ever after, but just in case it doesn’t work out. You will always have this guide to help you deal with your breakup.